Posts Tagged ‘being thankful’

After almost a year hiatus, Em’s Top 7 is back in operation! The past year has been crazy, in a good way, but super busy. I set out to write a top 7 for my friends going off to university/college and I never quite finished, so once I missed that week- it was all downhill from there! Stay tuned as I’m going to finish that post soon and have a few other back to school ones on the go!

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Today, I hung out with two of my girlfriends. We took a random road trip to try a find a decent restaurant that is actually open on a Monday, and thankfully our summer brains were on and teacher talk did not take over. The three of us are single and in our 30s and the conversation turned to an interesting subject.

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Now, this post is meant to shed some light into what it’s like to be a single girl whether by choice or by circumstance. It’s not meant to create an “us vs. them” divide, this is completely meant to offer some insight and clear up some misconceptions of what it is like to be a woman on her own, because a life without a partner is not without it’s struggles.

I believe that God has all of us, single or not, in the right place at the time. I believe that whether you are married or not, a parent or not, you can be completely satisfied and have a full understanding about life and what it has to offer. No matter where you are, no matter what your life circumstance is, there are going to be challenges. It is so important to be someone who is in tune with what is going on in your friend/family members’ lives, because we all struggle in different ways and need support and love in whatever those circumstances are. So, hopefully this post will be a reminder of that.

That being said- if you know me, you know that even when I’m serious, I usually say things with a bit of humour, so keep that in mind…

So with that long preamble- I present to you, “Seven Phrases Every Single Gal Is Dying NOT to Hear.”

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Myth #1- Single Gals are rolling in the dough…

1. “It must be nice to have such a disposable income.” We don’t know where this one comes from, because even though we have decent jobs, we never seem to have any extra money. Think about it. As a single person, you still have to make full payments for rent/mortgage, a car, insurance- all on one salary. Not to mention trying to pay off student loans and any other crazy unknown expenses that come up. At the rate I’m going, I’m looking to have my schooling paid back by the time I’m 37- if I stick to a strict budget. Now, that being said, my debit card does get a decent workout at both the Clinique counter and Victoria Secret, and I do get my hair done regularly but I figure those purchases really are necessities on the quest to land a man.

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You just sent me what?!

2. “Have you tried online dating?” I have very limited commentary for this one. People usually offer this not as a piece of advice, but as a solution to the problem. Most single women would concur that getting married is more than a box to be checked, and not a problem to be solved. And sure, online dating is a good way to meet single guys, especially if your circles have dried up of prospects. But, online dating sucks. Sure, there may be a gem of a guy on there somewhere- but it’s like trying to find a needle in a haystack. Some people strike gold right away, while others have to deal with the many men (or boys) who are usually separated from their wives, socially inept, or seriously perverted. And that’s just on the Christian sites… That could be a whole blog post in itself. And usually the response to the lack of viable options online is another favourite phrase, “Maybe you’re being too picky…”

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I have to schedule time in to shave my legs?!

3. “Being single is less responsibility…” Another misconception about being a single person is the hours of time we must seem to have on our hands. Think about it. Groceries still need to be bought, laundry to be done, all the bills to pay, the grass to cut, waiting for the repair guy to show up, taking the car in to be fixed, the house to be cleaned, dinner to be cooked, etc. Think of all the jobs that have to be done in life and as a single person, you are responsible for them all. There is no one to ask to pick up a few things on their way home for you, or someone to sort the recycling when you are busy. There is a reason why a marriage is considered a partnership. Why do you think single people love takeout/frozen dinners so much? (Lol- and why do you think I’m having Cheerios for dinner? Awesome, yes. But I would rather have the energy/company to make something way more fabulous.)

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Married club= Singles not welcome

4. “You’ll understand when you’re married.” Without going into a rant about this one, this is the most frustrating statement a single person can hear. Especially when they are past their late 20s. What if I never get married? Will I never understand? Will I never be fulfilled? When I get married does the world suddenly make sense and have meaning? This statement sucks. I have been on the receiving end of this, and even though the intention is not mean-spirited, the feeling of not being a part of a group or not being a fully formed human being is.

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Hmm.. budget allows for a road trip to “Akron, Ohio”- anyone?

5. “You must travel all the time!” Three things that make this untrue. Firstly, people don’t want to travel with you. And, well in theory it sounds great to travel alone and go where the wind takes you, part of the fun of a vacation is sharing it with someone. Most of my friends are married or have kids and will not travel, some even for a weekend. Secondly, have you ever seen how expensive it is to travel as a single? Often it’s double the cost of what it costs a couple. And, travelling with someone is an intimate experience- you have to choose a travelling companion wisely. Sure, you may save a chunk of cash, but you may be giving up your sanity at the same time…. And thirdly- see point number 1.

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There is a reason he’s still single…

6. “Wait… I THINK I know a single guy….” As if being single is the only criteria one has for finding a man. Yes, the number of single guys is dwindling, but hopefully standards aren’t dwindling also! Again, see the online dating rant about checking a box. That being said, if you know someone who is single and who your single friend would get along with, please introduce them!

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I’m aaaaall aloneeeee… all by myseeeelf…

7. “I won’t be able to make it; I need to spend time with my husband/We have to __________.” Ok. I get this. I really do. Marriages take work and there are times where you need to make time to be with your husband/family. That being said I cannot tell you how incredibly lonely it is and how pathetic one feels when you have everyone cancel on you or not be free to do something because of this reason. While you are out at a family BBQ or cozy-ing up to your man, the poor single girl is opening a can of tuna and bottle of wine alone.

And, since it’s been so long (and I have one more) here’s number 8.
8. “Just be patient. You’ll find him. God will bring him into your life at the right time…” This may be a true statement (or maybe not). But, honestly this is THE WORST thing you can say to someone who is single. Why? Because it implies that you haven’t been patient, you aren’t fully ready to be in a relationship, that there is something wrong with you that needs to be sorted out before you are “blessed” with a mate. And, when someone much younger than you (and usually married) says this (and usually shares the story about how they waited so long and the man of their dreams just appeared) it honestly makes the single person want to either crawl into a hole and die or punch the advice giver in the face. Just be a good friend. Being a friend means listening to your friend’s struggles and just being there for that person. Throwing a blanket statement out there and assuming you know how that person feels isn’t being a good friend. Take them out for coffee, include them on your wild family adventures- make an effort to check in with them.

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So thankful for the handful of amazing friends I have!

To sum up: Being single is not all fun and games as it appears, but single people are usually pretty content with their lives. Yes, most single people would love to be un-single but, only if that means being with someone who is going to make their lives better. Single people want to be remembered and loved by their married friends because we love and remember you too! (And I am so thankful for the ones who go out of their way to include/love me!)

COMMENT IN THE SPEECH BUBBLE ABOVE! SINGLE PEOPLE- did I miss anything? MARRIED PEOPLE- what do you think?

freedigitalphotos.net  This week I’m coming off March Break and I’m feeling pretty thankful for my friends.  My friends are awesome.  They are beautiful, talented, fun, caring, spontaneous, selfless, and adventurous.  Over the years I’ve been lucky to have gathered some great ones and I couldn’t begin to talk about all of them.  And, since this is a top seven list, I can only talk about “seven” of them.  Really, the way this is being posted I am talking about more than you think.  This is not meant to be taken as a slight against anyone (like the time I said I was hanging out with my favourite family and I realized my actual family thought I was coming to a family function…. ) but a chance for me to celebrate some of my amazing friends.  Hopefully, you can see some of your friends in this too!

 So, without further ado- The Seven Friends I am Thankful For:

 1.  The Sister Friend- no, this is not like being a sister-wife!  There are some people you connect with in a way that goes beyond friendship; they totally feel like one of the family.  No matter what distance comes between you, you have someone who a part of you. I loved looking back on my life and clearly seeing this someone in every stage of my life, who didn’t have to be (like family), they chose to be.  That makes me feel loved and I can see raising kids together, loosing hair together… many more stages to come!

 2. The Friend You Can Talk on the Phone Forever With– sometimes there are friends that you never run out of things to talk about with- even 20 years down the road.  I’m thankful for this friend because they always make me laugh and the depth of our friendship is amazing because of the topics we have discussed over the years.  We’ve been through hilarious moments and heartache.  I know I’ll be talking about random nonsense with this one for many years to come!

3.  The Honest Friend- Honesty is the cornerstone of any relationship, especially a friendship.  You need someone who is going to tell you the truth, even when it hurts.  I’m lucky to have one friend who will always tell me things straight- even if it’s hard.  The realness and strength of this friendship is amazing and I looking back, I don’t know if I trust anyone more than him.

 4.  The Opposite Friend- this friend is fun because no one expects you to be friends with them because you are, seemingly, too different.  But, it’s true what they say- opposites attract.  I have gone on some crazy, spontaneous and hilarious adventures with this friend.  We’ve even lived together (and survived)!  I like to think we are very similar, even though to the outside we appear very different.  I admire how this person loves people and goes out of their way to show that love.  I like to think I have a bit of this too.

5.  The Surprise Friend- This is the friend that over time develops and you didn’t see it coming.  It’s a surprise- and such a welcome surprise at that.  This person was always a good friend, but over the years this person has become one of my people- someone I couldn’t imagine my life without.  We’ve both grown over the years, and thankfully we’ve grown together and closer.  I’m so blessed to have this friend in my life.

6.  The Drop Everything and Take Care of You Friend- I’m lucky to have a few friends like this.  From dying of the flu and having someone really go out of their way to bring my apple juice, to without question taking me in when I had a scary apartment to go home to, I am so blessed.  I’m amazed how these people think of me before they even think of themselves.  I’m totally lucky.

7.  The Crazy Adventure Friend- This is the friend that it doesn’t matter where you are or what you do, you always have a blast.  Whether it’s playing in the park, or in the trees, or giggling when one of you has a migraine- this is the person I want in my life forever. Because I know even when we are old and our adventure becomes racing (lol- or shuffling past) each other to pick up the mail from the mailbox at the old folk’s home, we’ll still be smiling and laughing together.  This person makes me laugh, and is a person you can’t help but want to be around.

I could go on and on, but this is supposed to be a short post!  Family, I’m sorry- I love you too- but today is a FRIENDS shout out- so I’m following the rules!

QUESTION- What friend are you thankful for?  CLICK the SPEECH BUBBLE at the top of this post to COMMENT!